| I just looked through old xanga entries from a year ago. Man was life different. I don't think I ever imagined ending up in the place I am now. I am honestly in a really hard place, and have been for some time. But I spent much of my time pretending to be alright. I am taking Integrative Seminar with Oz Lorentzen. I think it's going to be a really great class, but also a really hard one. I think I'll have to work out all of these issues I have been pretending not to have. But today I decided to be honest with myself, and everyone else. So here I go.
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| last week at church the message was on love. The message really spoke to me, reminding me how important love is and that I need to be loving those around me, as well as those I don't necessarily want to love. but first I wanted to understand what love is. so I went to 1 Corinthians 13, which we all know what it says. and I spent a week dwelling on this passage and trying to understand what it really meant, and what it would look like. There are parts of it that are easier to understand, but I think sometimes we skip over the harder ones. like patience. love is waiting when we really hate being late. love is waiting for someone as God is working and changing their life instead of ditching them because of their lower maturity level. Love does not take into account wrongs suffered.... oh that one can be hard. love does not take joy in unrighteousness. love does not act unbecomingly. what does that even mean? basically to act as should be fit. hmm... it was really cool when I finally figured it all out, and realized each was important in loving others. I thought it was really interesting that today's message in chapel was also on love. oh, God.... always one step ahead.
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| I WANT CANDY CORN!!!! (it actually makes me a little homesick, I want some that bad.)
my nephew has a girlfriend = cute!
I was reading one of those survey things on myspace about different names, and the first one was the witness protection name... and mine would be Jean Dean... which I think is hilarious. reminds me of Julia Gulia or something... Rhyming names... haha.
I like staying up late... especially when it's for no reason at all.
I'm listening to Japanese music and I don't understand a word.
I want sugar free HoCho (which is hot chocolate... for those who don't know). they don't sell it in Three Hills. weird.
Tomorrow is cookie day. What a wonderful day.
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| I wish I had more art in my life.
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| to answer my own question:
at church the pastor showed a scene from Indiana Jones (which I have never seen... weird), where he takes a leap of faith and finds the stone bridge... blah blah blah... but that's an answer to my question. seeking God looks like a leap of faith. so I'm jumping.
I don't think there is one answer to my question... I think there are many. and i will find them along the way.
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